fading hope

Hope is fading slowly away ,these little kids that i some how thought would fight for ,are gone for ever from my heart ,it was afterall an illusion that their mother and her racist parents and sisiters would somehow ,understand and that these little kids have a right to know their father,but no,now I know better becouse I doubt that ,they afterall are not my own blood,I am not perhaps,their natural biologic father,I just ,maybe,happened to be there ,at the,wrong time.I could not find any logic reason in my mind ,why a mother would hurt so much her own kids ,and expose to them so much suffering as to keep them away from a father that is willing to give love ,and caring to them,maybe she has bigger things to hide ,maybe it is correct that they are not mine,I am exhausted of the whole thing,let her live with her secrets.as for me I am done with that.let bygoens be bygons.

fading hope

Hope is fading slowly away ,these little kids that i some how thought would fight for ,are gone for ever from my heart ,it was afterall an illusion that their mother and her racist parents and sisiters would somehow ,understand and that these little kids have a right to know their father,but no,now I know better becouse I know that they afterall are not my own blood,I am not their natural biologic father,I just happened to be there at wrong time.thank God they are not mine,I am gradually filled with hate,for all they represent

No progress

Same old story,things are not improving,As soon as I etablished contact with my kids and thought now I would be able to hold some form of a father daughter relationship with them ,it all stopped up,becouse I sent a web cam in the hope of seeing them in live chat,.strange as it it is their mother stopped to either contact me or answer to my phone calls,now it seems to me hopeless to continue to try to make her understand that it is to the best for the kids and me to maintain a good parent relationship,she defintley decided that the should grow up as white norwegians and adopted to her parents.I cant help except leave them for ever if she would have them that way let it be.I am shocked,exhausted ,and helpless.God bless my little daughters for me they are lost forever 

it is not often now that I feel the urge to write ,anything at all ,becouse it somhow feels like a repetition of of the same thing and some how it gets boring to write about the same things all over and over again,I for one dont like repetitions,it just kind of drains my energy ,iwill just load up pictures of my lovely little daughters Evelyn her first school day ,eavelyn with her lttle sister mariana

It is always difficult,to make a choice ,and unfortunateley we always have to make choices,some times the wrong ,some times the right choices ,but what the right choice is ,is always controversial,for what is right for a given society could be wrong for another,it has always been like that and it will always be like that ,there is no absolute truth,never,reality is an illusion,and ilusion is nothing more than temperary,as a consequence there is nothing that is real ,for reality in itself is an illusion,like my granfather put it when he was 96 years old ,listen carefully to your heart,close your eyes and listen one more time to your heart ,follow your heart ,it is the source of your illusuion and reality,the source of pains,agonies,joy,and ,happiness,look no furher,than your heart ,and move on with the current in life.ijust have to top,emotions are followig

Beutifull things all the way

It is all so strange not real ,could it be some sort of a dream ,or a fantasy for that matter, talking to Evelyn was some how a strange feeling ,her voice kind of ,woke up some deep totally ,alien emotions in me,an echo from so far away,and then it couldn't be a dream ,because she Evelyn invited,her sister and my second daughter to the phone Marianna,and God I suddenly got into a reverie,kind of day dream.Time would tell every time I start talking about my daughters my tears start runing burning my eyes hot tears I just have to stop it. Omar dhuule an old friend of mine is for now on a visit to me he is here by my little apartment , let me just stop it here.I will definitely write more tomorrow.

What aday

First I get a new jobb on topp of the one I have now and hillevi The mother of my very beutifull shinnig always and ever prety girls call me ,and lets me talk to Evelyn,Icall it a day,my deepest wounds are halve healed,my little Evelyn said she is going to send me a drowing I look forward to that ,as it turned out ,and some how I felt it that ,hillevi was the perfect mom for the kids,let bygones be bygons ,che sara sara ,the most important for me at this moment is that the kids and their mother are happy and in a very good shape .My agonies and pains ,for the the past two years are a little bit alleviated,time will ,I love them as I always did .I will keep contact with them where ever I am and when ever I can,it is getting a little bit late now and I just have to stop duty is calling tomorw I will be off to work at six so ,Iwill resume some other time.